Paul (Self-Reliance)

Internal Struggle

Self-Reliance

Before his encounter with Jesus, Paul was a man so confident in his own knowledge, training, and convictions that he could oversee the killing of people he was certain were wrong. His greatest strength and his most dangerous flaw were the same thing: absolute confidence in his own judgment.

What Happened?

Paul, originally named Saul, was a highly educated religious leader who viewed the early followers of Jesus as a threat to be eliminated. He participated in the execution of a man named Stephen and traveled from city to city arresting Christians. On the road to Damascus, he was struck down by a blinding light and heard the voice of Jesus asking why he was persecuting him. Paul was blinded for three days, after which a follower of Jesus named Ananias restored his sight and Paul was baptized. He spent the rest of his life traveling, planting churches, suffering imprisonment and beatings, and writing letters that became a large portion of the New Testament (Acts 7-9; Philippians 3).

How Did Self-Reliance Affect Paul?

Paul’s confidence in his own religious training led him to persecute innocent people while being certain he was doing the right thing
He needed a complete and physical interruption from God to stop him from the path he was on
Even after his conversion, he described ongoing tension between his own will and what he knew to be right (Romans 7:15-20)
He had to learn to operate from weakness rather than strength, which went against everything his background had trained him to value
He was given a physical condition he called a “thorn in the flesh” that he repeatedly asked God to remove, and God refused, telling him that His power was made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)
His early relationships in the church were damaged by his reputation, and it took years for people to fully trust him

The Turning Point

The turning point was the moment on the Damascus road when Paul was completely stopped in his tracks and had to ask, “Who are you, Lord?” (Acts 9:5). Everything he had built his identity on, his credentials, his training, his certainty, was suddenly not enough to tell him who he was actually dealing with. He spent three days blind and without food or water before Ananias came to him. That helplessness was the starting point of a life that would ultimately be built on dependence rather than self-sufficiency.

The Pattern That Led to Healing

Stopped completely by a force he could not control or explain
Rendered helpless and dependent on others for the first time
Received truth from someone he would have previously dismissed
Surrendered his previous identity and credentials as the basis for his worth
Learned to lead from weakness instead of strength
Found that God’s power worked most clearly when his own ran out

Practical Steps for Facing Self-Reliance

Notice when you have stopped asking for input and started assuming you already know the answer
Be willing to be wrong about something you feel strongly about
Let someone help you with something you are fully capable of handling yourself
Pay attention to the areas of your life where you consistently exclude God or other people from the process
When things fall apart despite your best effort, resist the urge to immediately fix it and instead ask what you might be missing
Stop treating vulnerability as weakness and start treating it as information about where you actually need support
Build a habit of asking before acting in at least one area where you normally just move on your own